Ice, heat, science, and acting

Morgan Dundon

Morgan Dundon

On a scorching hot, dry summer day in inland Southern California, I found myself walking into a small, dimly lit room that was situated above a bail bonds shop. The building felt like it had been there forever. The walls were lined with a myriad of playbill posters and photos from Shakespeare productions. A large bookcase was filled to the brim with worn copies of plays and books. In the center of the room were two short rows of chairs facing the far wall, where there was a small setup of two handheld cameras and chairs facing each other. I was handed a short script, told to read it only once and then wait for my turn to do a “cold read” of the scene with my partner.

For me, a PhD student in materials science and engineering, I couldn’t help but think to myself, “What am I even doing here?” Materials science and acting? They couldn’t be more different, like ice versus heat. But they have more in common than you might think.

Before I stepped into that room, I would spend hours at my desk during my first year of grad school distracted and searching for acting classes online. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. So far, grad school was nothing like what I had expected. I was miserable, struggling with the realization that my advisor was completely toxic, and losing all passion and interest I had in science. I was questioning everything, considering quitting altogether.

I hesitated for months, then finally called and signed up for the class. It sounds like a simple thing in hindsight, but it was a huge hurdle at the time. Years earlier in college, I had taken an acting course for non-majors to satisfy my art requirement, thinking it would be an easy A. But it left a lasting impression on me. It always made me wonder what I had been missing out on. Starting acting at that low moment was my way of grasping for passion for something, anything. Taking these classes helped me find another passion outside of science. Doing so helped me find the confidence and self-worth I needed to get out of that unhealthy environment. So that’s what I did.

I am also still an actor.

Jump cut to the present, and I am currently in a new, supportive laboratory in my 3rd year where I am developing and testing a device that inserts genetic cargo into cells on a large scale. I aim to discover whether this can help us perform gene editing in a safer, more efficient way and improve gene therapies for cancer treatment, among other applications. As you can imagine, this is not what I originally intended to study in my PhD, but I have always been drawn to the intersection of materials science and biology. I get to explore this connection by characterizing how this device interacts with cells and what impacts it can have on their health and behavior.

I am also still an actor. My goal is to dedicate more time to both film and stage once I’ve graduated. Realizing this was quite daunting. For those of us that consider themselves artists, academia and the science community don’t always feel very welcoming. I was afraid to tell anyone that I was studying acting and working on film projects at first, especially when it had been drilled into my head by my first advisor that you must “eat, sleep, and drink” your research and there was no excuse, even if a family member died or was in the hospital, to not get work done for them. Any advocacy for ourselves was seen as disrespect of their authority.

Now I realize that was manipulative, controlling behavior. My PhD is for me, not for my advisor alone. My life doesn’t start after my PhD, it’s happening now. I have to go out and get the skills I need for my goals. Studying acting has even benefitted my academic career in many ways already, helping me with communication, networking, and the freedom to express my creativity. Science and acting aren’t that different, actually. Either way, I am searching for and revealing truths, which is what drives me. It is okay that I am multifaceted, and I shouldn’t feel ashamed for wanting to pursue art after an engineering Ph.D. I’ll admit I’m still working on that, but it’s hard to unlearn what academia preaches is most important.

I think we should be more accepting of our many dimensions, both academics and actors alike. In my world of materials science, there are solid materials that can exist in more than one form or structure, called polymorphs. These materials will all have the same composition but have different arrangements of their molecules. This means they can have varying properties, where some are more dense or evaporate more easily.¹ They’re the same, but different. Let’s look at an example that is the opposite of the inland SoCal summer heat: ice. We might think of ice as a singular thing, just frozen water. However, ice can actually take 17 different solid forms, depending on specific conditions.² Some polymorphs of ice can’t even be made from liquid water.¹ The variations feel endless.

We may think ice is a simple thing, but it is anything but. Much like scientists. I am a scientist and an artist, polymorphic in my own way.  Let’s embrace ourselves in all our forms.

References:

1. Brog J-P, Chanez C-L, Crochet A, Fromm KM. Polymorphism, what it is and how to identify it: a systematic review. RSC Adv. 2013;3(38):16905-16931. doi:10.1039/C3RA41559G
2. Salzmann CG. Advances in the experimental exploration of water’s phase diagram. J Chem Phys. 2019;150(6):060901.