Anne Urai
Ihad a careless childhood. I was good at school, but could never quite decide on my passions. I dropped high-school physics and chemistry in a streak of rebelliousness, only to realize my mistake a year later and catch up over the summer break. In my first semester at university, I randomly signed up for several interesting-sounded courses and got into cognitive neuroscience and philosophy.
I loved both of them, deciding on the spot that I would solve all of psychology by studying the brain. I spent my exchange semester traveling and eating my way through China, and another year working soul-crushing sales jobs, herding sheep in France and ultimately following my boyfriend to backpack through Asia. In a hot Moroccan internet cafe, I read that someone would pay my to live and study in London and Paris for two years, which seemed too good to true!
During my masters, I pursued my fascination for consciousness research (usually reserved for retiring professors) which mostly involved staring at EEG wiggles in windowless rooms. As a friendly collaborator was fixing my atrocious Matlab code, he off-handedly mentioned that Tobias Donner had just started a lab in Amsterdam – conveniently close to the city where said boyfriend had just started a new job. With my heart racing I approached Tobias at a meeting, didn’t faint, applied for a fellowship, and started my PhD in his group.
Having made most of my MSc thesis figures in Excel, I suffered serious imposter syndrome, but discovered I actually quite liked the technical and programming parts of the job. I passed through a serious crisis halfway through the PhD: my initial proposal turned out to be severely underpowered, psychology’s replication crisis was in full swing, my advisor’s lab had moved to another country, and I hadn’t published a single paper.
My advisor’s gentle persistence, many yoga classes and an adopted cat helped me follow through, and I decided to give postdoc life a chance. After getting stuck in a snowstorm when interviewing at CSHL, I accepted the offer to join the Churchland lab, got married, and defended my PhD within a frantic 6-months!
Coming from a background in psychology and cognitive neuroscience, it was both frightening and exhilarating to work with ‘real’ neuroscientists. I had to learn soldering, surgery and bluffing my way through genetics. I loved being a part of the (then early-stage) International Brain Lab, but started feeling terribly homesick after 1.5 years on Long Island.
Just as I prepared to spend the summer doing data analysis in NYC, Covid-19 hit. Bored at home in lockdown, I opened a long-forgotten ‘Jobs’ email folder and saw a vacancy for a combined psychology teaching and research position in The Netherlands. Within short succession, I found out I was pregnant, got the job, and learned the Churchland lab would be moving to California! Choosing my rainy, flat home country over sunshine, I hurried to finish experiments and returned home just in time for maternity leave.
So far, I have survived my first year of sleep-deprived parenthood and my assistant professorship, which has turned into a tenured position by happenstance (i.e. union negotiations). While getting settled into faculty life, I regularly experience existential dread and wonders if writing scientific papers is what I should be doing for the next 35 years. Since my postdoc in the US, I am increasingly concerned about the climate crisis, and I spend my evenings thinking about decarbonizing academia and worrying about the future.
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